Accepting responsibility

Accepting responsibility for our actions, our inactions , our words, our thoughts, our fears is important. We have all been given an opportunity to create a most amazing life. Every moment of every day, each of us, has been presented with so many choices. Some choices are better for us others may be considered less than desirable. Though it is through this process that we can learn so much about ourselves and others. The world of duality is good for it is my belief that it assists us with our learning, with our soul's evolution. We are here to learn, to grow, to evolve. We can choose to learn or we can choose to sit and watch the world go by. My preference is to dig in and learn all that I can. Though I do know it's not the favoured route by many. Most would like to stay under their blanket and wish that whatever has stirred up will blow away or simply find another pit stop. I also strive to find a balance between learning and allowing things to unfold as they are meant to. Though loving to control outcomes, as many of us humans do, I find it somewhat difficult at times to surrender it all to the universe. coming back to accepting responsibility...we, at times, will act or make decisions that are hurtful to others or may be considered hurtful by others. I know that I am 100% responsible for me and that I am not responsible for how others perceive me nor how they choose to perceive and process the information they receive. They are 100% responsible for themselves and their perceptions. I am, however, responsible for the way I choose to deliver my messages. I can choose to do so with kindness, love and compassion or I may choose to come from that place of fear within me and project all of my crap on another. Which means that I then proceed from a hurtful place and will most likely say or do things that are hurtful to another.  This mess then becomes a little challenging to clean up. not impossible, however, one must dig in deep to find their inner courage to push through and find some resolution. Some of you may say to yourselves, well they brought it on. They deserve what I said or did. maybe, maybe not. that's not the point here. some may convince themselves that it's not really up to them to say they are sorry first. Why does it always have to be me to say something first? I say why not you! So, we play a game of cat and mouse. our feelings then continue to simmer and one never really wins do they? Honestly, it's not about who wins or looses. For if love is not present in all of our sharings, in all of our exchanges, we all stand to loose. For bitterness, hurt, unforgiveness can destroy the best of us. As I sit back and ponder about the year that has gone by, I am most grateful that I was guided to accept responsibility for some things that I have done over the course of the last few years. Meaning, I was guided to send notes to a few people whom are no longer in my life and to tell them that I am really sorry for how I handled things between us. It took a lot of courage and inner strength to move forth with this guidance. I found it hard for I wondered how it would be received? what would they think?  I questionned why? what is the purpose ? what will be the outcome? why me, there are others involved here...why should I go forth first? I chose to trust the guidance I was receiving. I chose to go forth without having any answers.  My intention all along was to come from a place of love and to accept responsibility for how I chose to interact with each and every one these people along the way. I sent out 4 notes to 4 different people whom I had hurt over the course of these last few years. I initially sent the notes not expecting to hear from anyone. Though, I will admit a part of me was touched when one of the persons whom I sought forgiveness from for my shortcomings responded with a kind and compassionate note. I can only hope and trust that in some small way that my act of taking responsibility for seeking forgiveness made a small difference to them and to the whole. Restoring balance. Replenishing love. I was also able to liberate my self from an inner prison of hurt and shame. I felt at peace. When I think of each and every one of them, I think of them in a loving way. I know that I my core I am a really good person whom is kind, caring, deeply compassionate and loving. I made a mistake and needed to fully own it.  Though my taking responsibility to make amends cannot take away the hurt that I inflicted on each of them, my hope is that they were truly able to see that I really never meant to hurt them on any level.  I love them all for the beautiful being that they are. Eachof them were a gift in my life in so many ways. My prayer is that they will be at peace with the situation that unfolded between us and that they accept that I did the best I could at the time. I am so very grateful for each of them. I have learnt so much and loved much. My life has been richly blessed by their presence in my life. I have received so many gifts and learned so many valuable lessons that keep on giving to this day. All of them special moments to cherish. Through it all, I have learned to honour my self, to respect my self, to be true to who I am and to love my self unconditionally mistakes and all. I trust that by accepting responsibility for my own actions that in some way I contributed to the well being of the whole to which we all belong too. The next time you are faced with a difficult choice, will you choose to proceed in a loving way or from a fearful place. I choose love.

Diane Merpaw

Sacred Intuitive Artist &

Spiritual Coach