In my earlier years, I defined success by the status of my professional career and the things I had achieved and obtained in my personal life. But within me, a deep stirring rumbled beneath the surface − I did not know what it signified. Yet it scared me. This feeling never really left me; I would go as far as to say it haunted me. It would make an appearance when I least expected it to, while I was continuously searching outside myself for the answers, believing I would find something out there to satisfy my personal needs.
You might wonder about this ache deep within me when I had everything I could possibly ask for in life. I was married to my high school sweetheart. Together, we raised two incredible young women. We owned a home, had an abundance of food, and took regular family vacations. All of our personal needs were met. I never did without. For this, I am eternally grateful to God for the continued flow of abundance into our lives.
I graduated from college with a degree in Business Administration-Accounting. At that time, I was offered a full time position with the Canadian Federal Public Service. It was a good position with great pay benefits and flexible working hours.
At that time, there were very few women in the field of auditing. I worked in an environment that was considered an old boys’ club; more significance and privileges were given to men than women in vast areas. I chose to hold my own in a world that was slowly changing, allowing more women to hold positions that were previously held mostly by men. These were the days before harassment policies were created and incorporated into our workplace. For many of us, daily doses of chauvinism and belittlement were par for the course. I remained in the federal public service for approximately 18 years. Over the course of my federal public service career, I changed positions every 18 to 24 months, seeking the proverbial perfect job in an environment that was filled with bureaucratic processes and little personal reward or recognition.
For years, I considered the idea of leaving my job − but it was known as one of the best-paying gigs in town! I knew for a fact that many would have loved nothing more than a permanent full time job in a government department. To me, it felt like I was selling my soul. Could I continue to be disloyal to myself and to silence the stirring that kept reverberating beneath the surface? Could it be that my heart was whispering to me that there was something more out there for me? Was I ready and willing to take a leap of faith and trust that God had something different in mind for me?
In 2005 – not knowing, yet fully trusting in the magic of the universe – I chose to take that leap of faith. I decided to take a leave of absence from the public service. Now, I asked myself, what will I do with all of this spare time on my hands? It might seem like a funny question to ask but since I had been used to filling my days with so many things (work, errands, raising a family, taking classes etc), I did not know what I would do with all of this time. Who am I without this career, which has been a big part of my life and of me for such a long time? I did not know the answer yet, so I chose to trust.
In the beginning, I indulged in the time off to play, to explore, to delve into a deeper part of me – I worked with life coaches and spiritual teachers attempting to figure out what my purpose in life was. I searched the crevices of my heart to seek the treasures that lay within waiting to be discovered. It took some time to adjust, as I had been running on the treadmill of life for so long and, in the process, I had attached myself to the identity I had created for myself.
I slowly came to realize that I am here to live my life on purpose rather than to seek ‘my purpose’. I believe we all have unique gifts and that my role is to choose every day to fully show up and seize the moment. I believe I am the heir of endless miracles that flow into my life − yet am I awake enough to see and embrace them? Life is filled with so many precious moments to be cherished − yet am I able to recognize them if I am too busy trying to achieve, say, a career goal, a bigger house, a new car? I am not saying that setting goals is not important. What I am saying is; am I taking the time to savour the moments, the journey, the process along the way to reaching my goals? I choose to bask in the full experience of it.
Leaving the public service six years ago was the best gift I could have ever given myself. Since 2005, I have learned to fall madly and deeply in love with the woman I am. I have chosen to embrace her entirety, warts and all. I am learning to accept that everything I need is within me. I have chosen to live my life on purpose rather than engage in the endless pursuit of ‘my purpose’. I have learnt to reconnect with my beautiful inner child, to be more playful and to let go of things, people and beliefs that no longer serve my best interest. Most of all, I have chosen to take the time to get to know and trust my heart. I honour its longings for my heart truly does know what is best for me.
After much soul searching, I have finally embraced my childhood dream of teaching, which I had long denied myself, and I merged it with my adult dream of creating and building my own business. My mission is to evolve the consciousness of humanity by teaching others to know, trust, love and embrace their brilliant, beautiful selves. I now define success as a heart overflowing with love and joy; it is helping others embrace their magnificent self; it is trusting that my heart knows the way; it is basking in the love of the divine and knowing all is perfect in this moment in time.
For me, LOVE is the key ingredient in the recipe of success. Love is all there is. So I ask myself: How do I choose to inject more love into my life? How do I let my light shine brightly for all to see? From my heart to yours, may love flow easily into your life, may your joy be contagious and may you find the courage to be you in all that you do.
Until we meet, may you bask in the warm embrace of love and may you know that you are loved deeply for the magnificent being you are.
What thoughts and beliefs do you have about success? Which of them limit you? Which of them empower you?